Deconstructing Kari

Who loves you Baby? Those were the first words I saw when I logged into my email.   You’re nobody until somebody loves you, right? Heard someone singing that to me on the way to work.  If you’re not with the one you love, love the one you’re with.  What?  Seems pretty dangerous to me - both emotionally and health-wise.  Truth be told, seems like a few of my friends like to live by that motto.  Love Hurts, but yet people still want to fall in love.  Goodness, all this yucky love stuff makes me crazy.  unfortunately that yucky love stuff permeates every portion of daily life.

You cannot escape the stuff.  It’s in your office with co-worker trying to set you up with that special someone.  It’s at the gym - get a better bod and upgrade your partner in the process.  It’s at the drug store - buy this perfume and you’ll attract the man of your dreams.  Bullshit!

It’s everywhere we turn - this mad dash to find someone else to complete us, to make us worthy, to show to the world that one other person loves us enough to lock themselves to us for the rest of their lives (or at least the rest of the relationship/marriage/jail sentence).  There are books, movies, websites, magazines, billboards, tee-shirts and newspapers yelling at me constantly saying that I have to find a significant other or I will not be significant.  Not only do I need someone to copulate with, I need someone to share the lonely days and nights, I need someone to eat at Wendy’s (love those french fries) with me, I need someone to take care of me when I can no longer control my bowels, I need someone to hold my hand when times get rough - I need a soul mate!  I must think beyond the animal and into the human side of attraction.  I must find one person (out of billions) that is perfectly suited for me, woo him into a seduction of amorous affection so strong that he will not be tempted by another (good luck with that) and I must work at it everyday or else love might slip away like a broken umbrella in a rain storm.  Nice, even when I work my butt off to find this one in a billion person, get him to like me back, utilize skills worthy of Cirque Du Soleil to keep him entertained, I still have to work at it to make sure that I do not let love fade away.

What’s worse, most of these overtly obtrusive media outlets keep pushing me to change myself to get this significant other - this soul mate.  I need to better understand him, I need to familiarize myself with the type of women he might want, I need to adjust parts of myself to lure a man - this fictitious soul mate to whom I am supposedly cosmically connected.  Women are not supposed to try to change a man, but we have to change almost everything about ourselves and our needs (supposedly) to get a man.  My question:  If this one person is truly my soul mate, wouldn’t he like my soul just as it is right now?  If I go changing, aren’t I just taking someone else’s soul mate?  How rude of me!

I am exhausted by it all.  Love, like Christmas, has become commercialized and therefore has lost its luster.  A man really does not love you unless he buys you a ring so big you cannot pick up your arm.  A man shows his affections with expensive dinners and extravagant bouquets of flowers that die in three days.  Women show their affection through ridiculously expensive lingerie and cosmetic surgery.  If your man ain’t buying you Prada, then throw him out.  Let your new man put you in VIP or tell the poor bastard to take a hike.  Really, does anyone know what love really means anymore?  Does anyone really want that version of love anymore, might be a better question?

I do not want to date a fabricated Prince Charming and I am fairly certain that most men do not want to date a simulated Barbie doll.  They just want to fuck her.

I, like many women, want the real deal or nothing at all.  Either the person I am with enriches my life (be it rich or poor, healthy or sick, better or worse) or there is no point.  Why do I need to have someone around just to fill the empty space beside me on the bed.  I do not need someone to buy me Prada.  I can by that myself.  I do not need someone to make my life complete.  Truth be told, I might need someone to help me when I cannot control my bowels…but then again, I hope to have home health care take care of that crap.